How do you write like you're running out of time?

Since the original cast recording of the Broadway sensation Hamilton was released, I've realized through a single line that I completely deserve my middle name (and being named after our "ten dollar Founding Father without a father"):

Song: My Shot

Hamilton: Oh, am I talkin' too loud? Sometimes I get over excited, shoot off at the mouth.

I talk. A lot. Sometimes too much. And sometimes too loud. And the huge majority of the time, too fast and over zealous. I know this about myself and I try to control it when I can, but it's always been a part of me. Maybe that's a Hamilton gene I just can't escape.

The lines that I wish I deserved are these:

Song: Non-Stop

Burr: How do you write like you're running out of time? Write day and night like you're running out of time? /.../ How do you write like tomorrow won't arrive? How do you write like you need it to survive? How do you write every second you're alive?

I used to be like this. I used to spend hours writing, writing, writing with so many words and stories flowing out of me, nearly falling asleep at an old desktop computer after finishing my homework just so I could keep writing. I filled notebooks with story ideas, titles, paragraphs, pages, whole chapters, character descriptions, themes, anything that had captured my imagination at the time. I wrote like there was no tomorrow, like I needed it as much as air. And a piece of me truly did.

Now, I can go long stretches without writing, and that bothers me. I like writing! I'm doing it right now! I'm a freelance writer for crying out loud! The problem is my old writing habits of fiction, poetry, and personal essays have dwindled. Those are the ones I need to get back to.

Sometimes I blame technology. "If there weren't so much instant free entertainment to distract me, I'd be writing more!" Sometimes I blame my education. "If I hadn't learned so much about writing, I wouldn't be overthinking it, I'd just be doing it!" Sometimes I blame myself. "I'd write more if I just turned off my phone and Netflix and all games and made myself do it!" Sometimes I hate myself. "I procrastinate too much. I'm too afraid of writing something that's not good. Might as well not write anything at all. If I didn't think these things, I'd be writing! Stupid me."

Occasionally, any of these things is true. Back when I could only write with a pen and paper in bed, back when my phone didn't have texting and wifi, way back when I was your age and walked 17 miles in the snow to my typewriter, I wrote more. Back before I learned about making my stories "marketable" and how to use precise structure, I wrote more for pleasure and now have a hard time getting past the "but can I sell this?" mindset. I do procrastinate a lot (some of these posts on here sit for months in the draft folder before being published, and considering how long I've had this website, I should have way more than double the amount of posts - like this post, it's been 5 MONTHS since I started writing it) and I am easily distracted. I need to get more control of that. And I am especially susceptible to impostor syndrome when it comes to my writing and art. Since that's a deeper psychological issue than just willpower, it's a lot harder to control than distractions. 

But I'm finally publishing this post that I began in January (omfg) because it's time to do something about this writing. I'm tired of having this sit here and waiting for the "perfect moment" to publish or putting too much time into editing when really, what matters in this moment is the content, not the fanciful way it was written.

How do you write like tomorrow won't arrive? How do you write like you need it to survive?

Maybe I'll remember soon.

Boys Clubs

I've been looking in different places to see who publishes illustrations. I love when there's a fun and insightful cartoon to go along with an article. With each illustration I found, I noticed something: every single credit belonged to a man.

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In The Hollywood Reporter, this is not so shocking. The film business is heavily male-dominated, so why would I expect a news publication on film to hire more women? But Glamour - really, ladies. This is a magazine by women and for women. I'm not going to seriously discuss the merits of any of its articles (some pieces are good and sometimes you just need some fluff), but with the few illustrations they have, they consistently hire men. Why is that?

The thing is, I see so many female indie comic artists. There are so many illustrators and creative ladies out there, but the guys are the ones getting all the attention, profits, and name recognition. In my limited knowledge, I can only think of two successful newspaper comic strips drawn by women: Cathy  and For Better or For Worse. Now think of the most popular comics and you'll find they were all drawn by men: Calvin and Hobbes, The Far Side, Peanuts, Doonesbury, Dilbert, Garfield ... the list goes on and on and on.

And it's great for those guys. Calvin and Hobbes and The Far Side are my two favorite comics of all time. Bill Watterson is one of my artistic and storytelling role models. But where are the women? Not just on the comics page or in magazine article accompaniment drawings, but wherever illustrators, artists, and creative types of any sort are featured?

Wayyyyy back in the day, women were expected to know how to draw and draw well. They were also expected to be crafty and know not only how to sew for practical purposes, but also how to needlepoint and other "artsy" things. However, despite all these women taking their art lessons and taking them seriously, only the men were "real" artists. We hear about the same women over and over, like Mary Cassatt and Georgia O'Keefe and Frida Kahlo, because (1) not many gained popularity, and (2) not many people feel like doing the research on lesser-known female artists, let alone attempting to educate anyone about them. 

It's sad how in schools, girls are still expected to be "artsy" and boys are expected to avoid such things. Girls like art class, boys like gym. Girls like theater, boys think it's "gay". Girls like home ec, boys like wood shop. Yet the most well-known artists, actors, and cooks are men. Not women.

And the same thing goes for writing.

As I wander down these career paths and out of corporate culture, I just sit here and wonder, "What gives?" And I welcome the insight of any artists. I really am curious about the state of women in these industries.

Comfy Chair Storytelling

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I love drawing people (see my gallery for proof), but I need to remind myself to draw more scenery just for the sake of a non-people art. This chair with its adjacent cup of tea just looks so comfy to me. Whenever I'd look at other artists' images of empty rooms or spaces, I always imagined a character off screen, ready to come in at any moment. I picture someone searching the bookshelf for their favorite comfort book (I truly believe there are such things as "comfort books" as much as there is "comfort food") and then coming back to settle into this super-soft armchair for a calm afternoon.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I might not have a thousand to say now, but I'm sure there's a story in every image.